My (21m) husband’s coworker (22m) got disrespectful with me (21f) over a debate we were having, husband didn’t stick up for me, vented to friend, husband went through my phone and is now mad

2021.12.05 16:46 mikimouseclubhouse My (21m) husband’s coworker (22m) got disrespectful with me (21f) over a debate we were having, husband didn’t stick up for me, vented to friend, husband went through my phone and is now mad

A little back story, I (21f) have been with my husband (21m) for 2 years and we have an almost 7 month old daughter together. We’ve been married going on 1 year. At the beginning of our relationship he went through my phone, found nothing, but was still mad that men message me of which I don’t respond and he SAW that. In return, I went through his phone, found he was still flirting with some girls he knew, and he was just projecting his guilty conscious on to me. Since then, I have never been back on his phone because 1. he apologized 2. he showed change and offers me to go through his phone which I decline 3. I don’t want to be in a relationship where we go through each other’s phones due to a lack of trust. I’ve been in relationships like that and quite honestly, I am over it. So for those reasons, I don’t touch his phone. Not my business and if he’s doing something wrong, that’s his issue.. Not mine. I’ll act accordingly, however, if he is doing something wrong and it comes to light.
tldr; argued with husbands coworker, coworker got disrespectful and off the argument topic, vented to my friend, coworker made posts about me, husband didn’t defend me, husband went through my phone and seen me talking to my friend about the situation and is now mad.
So to give context, I was having what was supposed to be a debate with one of my husband’s coworkers/friend over the kitchen set circulating facebook. To sum it up, the coworker won’t buy his child a toy because coworker believes he won’t be a man if the color of his child’s toy is pink. He wants to his kid to play with toys made for boys, like Blues Clues. Which by the way is a girl. What was supposed to be a civil debate turned sour so quickly and the coworker started disrespecting me, my relationship, my parenting, my child, and tagging others in the post with similar mindsets as his to come and disrespect me as well. What should have been a debate turned into several men calling me names and projecting a lot of their own issues on to me. The argument kept going so I finally just stopped commenting back because he wasn’t going to stop. I told my husband he needed to speak to this coworker because he’s now trying to involve my family in something that has nothing to do with it. My husband said he spoke with him and told him to stop. During this time however, I was sending screenshots to my friend (22f) of the argument with the coworker. We were both in agreement that this dude is obviously not right in his head, but also we both noted that why hasn’t my husband said something publicly to the coworker. Then that was it. Fast forward to the next morning, I wake up to see even more comments of disrespect and name calling towards me, so I messaged the coworker personally to ask what his issue is. I kind of lost it a little bit and the coworker just kept going then later during the night posted a screen recording to his facebook of our entire conversation via messenger. I seen it and immediately sent a screen shot to my husband and said something along the lines of “you should go say something”. My husband is very passive and said I’ll text him. Which he did, but the text reassured the friend that they’re “bros” and to just drop the whole situation. I had also sent the screen shot to my friend mentioned earlier and she had enough so she commented and told the coworker to grow up. I also showed her the text of my husband reassuring the coworker and my friend was livid. In my last relationship, I was constantly disrespected by my SO’s friends. I spoke with my husband and told him that’s what ruined my last relationship is my SO not defending me and he swears he defended me. My friend and I mostly talk shit about the coworker in our texts, but also agreed my husband should publicly defend me as there’s now an entire post dedicated to bashing me personally and not just how I feel about the stupid toy. Husband never came to my defense on the post but the coworker did take it down after the text my husband sent about them still being friends. I told my husband how I felt about the situation and that I would have felt better if he loved me out loud by not “minding his business” and getting involved. Husband was defensive at first and I explained that I have dealt with this before (once again) and he understood, apologized, and that was that. Now let’s fast forward to last night.. Husband and I were laying in bed to go to sleep and I actually did fall asleep. I guess while I was asleep husband went through my phone and read the conversation with my friend and is now mad that I spoke with my friend about it. He won’t talk to me, posted on his snapchat that he’s done being nice, and says that I shouldn’t be persuading my friends view of him. I don’t really know what Im asking here, but this is my last 72 hours.
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Arriving home being male-brained I stack all the goods on top of the shoebox and try to carry it to the door all at once. Only after hearing the sound of glass shattering, I realise what happened. I turn around to see the pretty hefty bottle of fish sauce, I just bought, spilled all over the pavement. A few seconds pass and I already start sensing the smell. Luckily no one was around, so I just put the glass shards into a trashcan and quickly skedaddled away from the scene.
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Is this the best way to go about this?
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Thanks in advance for any help.
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